PJ Holland's DNA Journey to Find His Mother as told by Marilyn Souders

The story of 80-year-old Patrick "PJ" Holland's birth mother search and DNA testing success was shared with me by his niece, Marilyn Souders. She told me her motivations for doing so, "I just want to give all adoptees hope! This miracle can truly happen. Just take the test and have patience." The following is the story in her own words:

Patrick Holland was born on 10 March 1933 at St. Elizabeth Hospital in Covington, KY to a single mother. She put Patrick up for adoption. He grew up in a local orphanage during the Great Depression and, sadly, was never adopted. 

In 1945, Patrick went to live at a farm in Walton, KY.  This arrangement did not work out well for him, so he packed his worldly belongings in his pillowcase and took refuge at the Villa Madonna convent. Sr. Agnes and Sr. Joseph obtained food and shelter for Patrick. He stayed there as a general worker/chauffeur until, in 1949, he changed his date of birth so he could join the Army. He listed his full name as Patrick Joseph Holland. He was only 16 years old; however the Army believed him to be 18 years old. His fellow recruits gave him the nickname PJ.  PJ went to Fort Knox, KY initially and then moved around quickly.  

In 1952, PJ was discharged and returned to Covington, KY.  He rekindled his friendship with the Lahrmann family who he had first met in 1944 at the Knights of Columbus Bingo games. They invited Patrick to live with them and they all became very close. He finally had a family.

Lahrmann 25th Wedding Anniversary, 15 May 1954.
Back, l to r: Norma L., Edgar Cleves, Gertrude L. Cleves, Mary L. and Patrick
Front, l to r: August, Antonia and Frank Lahrman(n)

 

 At the Lahrmann family's encouragement, PJ attended Hughes High School in Cincinnati, OH and obtained his diploma in just two years under the GI Bill.  Eventually, he got a job working for a gas company and was transferred to Puerto Rico.
  
PJ loved living in Puerto Rico. He had dreamed about this type of life while a young boy at the orphanage. While there, he met a very talented artist named Vilma Gonzalez. She became his wife on 9 August 1970.  The following year PJ took Vilma home to meet his "adopted" parents, August and Antonia Lahrmann. Vilma was from a large family so she enjoyed meeting her husband’s large adopted family. Vilma developed a special bond with one of PJ’s nieces, Marilyn.

PJ and his wife Vilma G. Holland, 1970

Over the years, Marilyn and Vilma discussed trying to find PJ’s birth parents. They teamed up on PJ and he finally relented.  Marilyn had one clue, a birth certificate. The birth certificate listed PJ’s name as Patrick Leroy Holland.  Oops! Patrick’s confirmation name was Joseph. PJ did not know that his middle name was not the same as his confirmation name. His birth certificate listed the names of his father and his mother along with the status of “Legitimate: No.”  Those two words would sting for many years.  

PJ’s father was easy to find; however, he had died in 1952. PJ and Vilma would later visit his father’s grave. But PJ longed to find his mother, Agnes Holland. Marilyn tried various sources over the years in order to find PJ’s mother. The source that yielded the most information was a reunion of the St. Elizabeth nursing class of 1933.  Marilyn planned the reunion in Covington, KY.  PJ, Vilma, and Marilyn all flew into Covington. The nurses cried when they saw PJ.  They had always wondered what happened to him.  The nurses said that PJ’s mother worked in the hospital laundry.  She lived in the dorm with the nurses. They said that Agnes was a loving woman. She could not afford to feed herself, much less feed a child.  Agnes made the agonizing decision to give up her baby.  She wanted a loving couple to adopt him. During the Great Depression, the orphanage was filled with kids whose parents could not afford to feed them. Due to overcrowding, PJ had to stay at the hospital until he was potty trained. His mother and the nurses saw him every day and played with him. Unfortunately, the inevitable day came when he was potty trained. The nurses and his mother had to say good-bye as he was taken away to the orphanage. PJ was allowed to have visitors at first. However, because he would cry when the nurses or his mother left, the people who ran the orphanage decided that no more visitors would be allowed. The nurses were quite upset. His mother was so devastated that she packed up and moved. The nurses never heard from Agnes again. 

PJ worked internationally for many years. He moved back to the states when Vilma became ill. When Vilma died in 2005, Marilyn asked PJ to move to Texas to be close to her. He did so and Marilyn continued to search for PJ’s mother. Marilyn convinced PJ to take DNA tests with several companies. Disappointingly, no close relatives were found. 

  Back, l to r: Joseph (in arms), Nicholas & Margaret Souders, PJ, Marilyn & Jim Souders
 Front: Joanna Souders Fowler, Mike Fowler and baby James Fowler

Then one day in mid-August, Marilyn logged into PJ’s account on 23andMe. It was a day that she had dreamed about for decades. Marilyn had spent multiple years and more dollars than she cared to count trying to help PJ find his birth mother. 23andMe finally made that dream come true!  

When Marilyn logged into PJ's account, she saw a message in the upper right-hand corner of the screen, alerting her that a predicted first cousin had been found. She quickly checked his DNA Relatives page. There was the name of a woman who shared 6.97% of her DNA and 24 segments with PJ.  

Next, Marilyn looked at his inbox – there was new mail! Could they be lucky enough to have an e-mail from this possible first or second cousin? Indeed they were and Marilyn began corresponding with the woman, Cathryn Mudon, who had already sent an introductory message to PJ stating they were first or second cousins (turned out to be first cousins once removed). Cathryn stated they could talk on the weekend, but Marilyn begged for immediate contact. Cathryn placed a call to Marilyn & they spoke. Next they cried. They began exchanging photos. The family was reunited. 

Holland Family, c.1913. 
Back, l to r: John, Cathryn "Kit", Mary, Agnes (PJ's mother), Annie.
Front, l to r: Patrick, John, Hazel (John Mudon's mother), Catherine, William

Cathryn and her father, John Mudon (PJ's first cousin), flew to Dallas on 2 October 2013. It was a touching meeting. They brought pictures with them of the entire Holland family. John and PJ hugged. At the end of the day everyone was hoarse from talking. The family is looking forward to many more get-togethers. Thank you 23andMe!

First Cousins Reunited, John Mudon and Patrick "PJ" Holland

PJ's story was recently covered by a Texas ABC News station. You can see the engaging video with additional details on the story here. 


 

Montez Brown Discovers His Birth Mother By Transferring His 23andMe Raw Data to Family Tree DNA

As many of you know, I always recommend that adoptees "fish in all three ponds" for close relatives. This means getting your DNA into each of the autosomal DNA databases - 23andMe, Family Tree DNA and AncestryDNA - if at all possible. The story below is one of the best arguments that I have seen so far for transferring 23andMe raw data to Family Tree DNA's Family Finder database as soon as possible!


As one of the administrators of the "Adopted DNA Project" at Family Tree DNA, I recently received this message: 

Montez Brown has left the Adopted group.
Reason for Leaving: Amazingly, when I transferred my 23andMe raw DNA data to FTDNA, I found my Birth Mother on FTDNA.

Wow! I asked Mr. Brown for more details and this is what he shared:

I FOUND my Birth Mother on FamilyTreeDNA.com (Friday, 26 Jul 13)!!! This is soooo crazy! My emotions are running HIGH right now! For 46 years I've felt the same void that most Adoptees feel by not knowing who they are or where they came from. I've always thought that it would be easy to find my mother if I should ever look for her because of the circumstances that surrounded the adoption, but I never really took the initiative to find her. I guess my own life trials and tribulations took precedence. It was only six weeks ago that I decided to start the quest for my identity using DNA testing via 23andMe.com. To gauge my expectations, I focused primarily on discovering the makeup of my Ancestry; any additional discovery would be a nice bonus, i.e. finding family members that might lead me to my biological parents. After connecting with a couple of distant cousins on 23andMe, I decided to upload my 23andMe raw DNA data to FTDNA.com. After one week, I received an email notification that stated I had family matches waiting for review. I immediately logged on FTDNA.com to check out what I thought would be more cousins, but to my surprise I had a "Parent/Child" match. After performing a quick search on the email that was included in her profile, I suspected that the match was MY MOTHER! I found her telephone number online and immediately contacted her. She was very excited and pleased that I had finally tracked her down. We connected with each other instantly. Amazingly, this was all done online within a 6-week time period. I realize this type of discovery is an exception to the rule, but NEVER say NEVER, and don't ever give up on your quest! 

Mr. Brown also goes by the pen name of Montez DeCarlo. You can read more about his amazing story here.

Melanie's Story: I Discovered My Birth Family Through a 2nd Cousin Match at AncestryDNA

Melanie has been kind enough to share her amazing story with us in her own words.

"My Adoption Search and Reunion" by Melanie

In 1968, I was placed for adoption during what is referred to as the "Baby Scoop Era". Young single women who found themselves pregnant usually did not have any support, including their own family. They were enticed by family and church to place their babies for adoption in order to give them a better life with two parents. During this period birth records, including original birth certificates, were sealed giving no future access or information to adoptees except for what is referred to as Non-Identifying Information.

I do not recall ever a time in my life where I did not know I was adopted.  Even with two loving parents I always felt alone and that I had been abandoned by my birth mother.  I have always known in my heart God's plan was carried out and I had the mom and dad God chose for me but it didn't take away the loss and pain. My childhood was spent trying to fit in to a family I didn’t belong and constantly trying to prove their love, driven out of the fear of being abandoned again.  

Melanie, 4th grade

At a very young age I realized that society expected me to be grateful and I became the compliant child who buried all the questions, confusion and pain. NO ONE ever stopped to think what it’s like for a child to go through life without their true identity, how that would limit their emotional growth resulting in damage to their true self. I’m not sure at what age I stopped asking questions but at some point I cut off all emotion since there were no answers to be had until the day I found my birth family. After many years of searching that day finally came through a DNA test.

MY SEARCH:

1998/1999 

 ·      Registered with Louisiana Voluntary Registry, ALMA, International Soundex Reunion Registry, any website I could find, also talked to a few private investigators.

 ·      For 14 years I consistently looked online and registered at any website I could.

Summer 2012        

·       Found G’s Search Registry and was matched to a LA Search Angel. 

·       Ordered updated Non-ID from Louisiana

·       Located one possible match on an online registry.  Made contact and interesting enough the mother chose my birthday to marry years later.  The Non-ID did not match but left many questions that couldn’t be answered since the mother had already passed away. (Turns out she is not a match, but I met a wonderful woman that I still communicate with)

·       Search Angel & I spent endless hours pouring through newspaper & obituaries on GenealogyBank.com looking for males who drowned in 1951. (Non-ID stated that maternal grandfather drowned in 1951.*)

·       Searched Classmates.com using the information about birth mother provided in my Non-ID

·       Searched New Orleans Library website to find any female within an age range that passed away in 1967, then went to Genealogy Bank for the obituary to match Non-ID information.

·       Determined that my birth family was most likely not from LA. Gut feeling was they were from MS.  I called LA Social Services but there was nothing in my file.

·       MS newspapers are not on Genealogy Bank so the search stopped once again

·       Decided to wait on DNA testing as a last resort

2013

·       December 2012 - started researching DNA testing; took 23andMe DNA test
·       January 2013 - Received 23andMe results. I was elated to have for the first time ever ancestry and medical information, but at the same time I had no clue where to even begin.
·       Uploaded 23andMe results to Gedmatch & Family Tree DNA – spent hours trying to find any correlation & had so many helpful distant relatives looking also.
·       February 2013 took Ancestry.com DNA test

·       March 8, 2013

o   2:56pm received Ancestry.com DNA test results with one match predicted to be a 2^nd cousin (turns out to be a 1st cousin twice removed)

o   Immediately sent email to my match, Linda

o   Linda responded at 3:24pm that she could help me saying that my great grandmother was her dad’s sister along with some other information. Then all of a sudden she wrote STOP and gave me her phone number so we could talk. My maternal birth family is from Mississippi so it’s interesting that Linda only lives 30 minutes away from me in Texas.

o   Took a deep breath and called her.  At first she didn’t give me birth mom’s name but gave me the family background and history that corresponded to my Non-ID.  After about 30-45 minutes she just said “Oh heck, you deserve to know the truth. Your mom’s name is _______”.  We talked for over an hour and she said she would call one of the sisters.  The sister confirmed the connection and gave her my birth mom’s phone number.  Linda then called my birth mom who wanted to talk to me but would call later when she was in a private place to do so. Birth mom gave Linda my birth father’s name and some basic information which Linda passed on to me.

o   I had dinner plans that evening and, of course, my birth mom called at that time. She left the sweetest voicemail and asked me to call her back no matter what the time.

o   By 9pm I spoke to my birth mom for the first time ever. She gave me much more information and informed me she thought my birth father had passed away.

o   After we hung up I located my birth father’s family in TX through the internet at 1:00 am; it’s been an overwhelming long day!

·       March 9, 2013

o   I found my half sister on Facebook and spoke with her that afternoon

o   I phoned my Aunt (adoptive) since she is the family genealogist and gave her what information I had on my birth father.

·       March 10, 2013

o   My Aunt found my paternal grandfather’s obituary that included the names of his wife and children.

·       March 11, 2013

o   I located my birth father’s date of death on Ancestry.com (1977), as well as my paternal grandmother’s obituary.

o   Using the names in my paternal grandfather’s obituary I was able to find one of my paternal aunts on Facebook and send her a message.

·       March 13, 2013

o   I get a response from the paternal aunt asking for more details.  Fear sets in that I will be denied my paternal ancestry.

·       March 14, 2013

o   Receive email from other paternal aunt welcoming me into the family. None of the siblings knew anything about me; only one of the sibling wives had ever heard mention of an adopted child. They are over the moon to have found me. I look a lot like him and he had no other children so I’m a little piece of him remaining in this world after they lost him so young. 

·       March 15, 2013

o   Birth father’s best friend who also didn’t know I existed sends me lots of childhood stories.  It was amazing the commonalities I share with my birth father as well as those he shared with my dad (adoptive).

·       Easter Weekend 2013 - Reunion

o   On my drive to my mom’s (adoptive) I stopped to meet my paternal uncle and his wife. They live in a Texas town I have driven through many times over the last 9 years where my birth father was raised. My uncle’s wife was very close to my paternal grandmother, spending a lot of time in the kitchen over the years after my birth father’s death. My grandmother would make comments every now and then to her that she fantasized about finding his daughter.

o   My mom (adoptive) and I met my birth mom and half sister the day before Easter in Mississippi. This particular town I’ve probably been through over 100 times in my life not knowing I have birth family there. We spent about five hours together sharing stories, pictures and gifts.  Looking back on that day it feels like as if I was on the outside looking in. It was so surreal to actually lay eyes on and know the person that brought me into this world!

Melanie with her adoptive mother and cousin Linda

Even though it has only been a couple of months into the reunion I have a peace unlike I have ever known before.  My friends and family even say I am a completely different person now. I no longer live in a world where I constantly wonder and question everyone and everything around me. I recently read a book that stated..."We tend to prefer the certainty of misery to the misery of uncertainty". I believe that this is such truth since no one can process the unknown. Knowing the truth gives me the ability to work through the hurt and a lifetime of feeling abandoned. Things are not always 100% rosy and perfect in reunion; working through all the relationships will take time, but I am blessed that so many in my birth family have accepted me and taken me into their lives without question. DNA testing and a cousin named Linda gave me the ultimate gift! 

The best answer for adoptees is for laws to be changed giving adoptees access to their original birth certificates. It is a blatant denial of civil rights. But in the meantime DNA testing has given hope to adoptees and circumvents outdated legislation. 

[*Note on Non-ID: Had Melanie's maternal grandfather lived in Louisiana there would have been a chance to locate him via newspapers & obituaries. However, because Mississippi doesn't have their records online, the paper trail search ended when every Louisiana source was exhausted. Melanie also searched for her maternal grandmother in the same way since, according to her non-ID, she was killed in an auto accident in 1967. It turned out that this was all true and, because of these tragic events, Linda knew to which family Melanie belonged.]

Adoptees Who Received Close Family DNA Matches and Reunited with Birth Family as a Result - Part Four

AncestryDNA was also featured on the Steve Harvey show for reuniting adoptee, Mara Parker, with her birth father through a paternal half sibling DNA match. Mara had been searching for her father for 25 years.


It is a tearjerker, so have your hankies ready. 

Adoptees Who Received Close Family DNA Matches and Reunited with Birth Family as a Result - Part Three

AncestryDNA has been good about getting the word out that there is hope for adoptees searching for their birth families.

In the first story, Chris took an AncestryDNA test and found his maternal half brother. Here is his story on Katie Couric:



Chris meets his AncestryDNA match, his brother:

Adoptees Who Received Close Family DNA Matches and Reunited with Birth Family as a Result - Part Two

The second story was posted in September 2012 and involves an adoptee who found her paternal aunt at AncestryDNA and has since reunited with her birth father.

Adoptee Finds Birth Family at AncestryDNA

After my posts criticizing AncestryDNA for their handling of "Chris and Pat's" matching, it is only fair to report the terrific news that the second adoptee mentioned in my original story (let's call her Jenny) has confirmed that her close match is, indeed, authentic. A few weeks ago "Jenny" reported that she received a match with a predicted first cousin at AncestryDNA. Today we received the news that Jenny has actually found her biological paternal aunt!

At first I thought there was a discrepancy between the prediction and the actual relationship, but after seeing screen grabs from Jenny's account, I realized that Ancestry has two different categories that each include first cousin; one is "Close Family - First Cousin" and the other is "First Cousin - Second Cousin".  Given this opportunity, let's take a look at Ancestry's "First Cousin" categories.

I happen to have a known first cousin in my mother's AncestryDNA account, so I can compare the two categories here. Vi is predicted to be a First Cousin to my mother with a range of 1st Cousin to 2nd Cousin:

My mother's first cousin at AncestryDNA

With this explanation:

Click to Enlarge

Since I have this same cousin available for comparison at 23andMe, I can tell you that she shares 14.5% of my mother which is a bit higher than average. So, AncestryDNA got this right even though Vi and my mom share more than would be expected for a first cousin relationship.

My mother's first cousin at 23andMe

I share a first cousin once-removed relationship with Vi and 7.44% of my DNA, and she correctly falls into the same First to Second Cousin Category for me at AncestryDNA.

There is another category at AncestryDNA that is labeled as Close Family to First Cousin. It looks like this:

With this explanation:

Click to Enlarge

This is the category that the Jenny's match was placed, so in this case AncestryDNA's prediction was also correct.

AncestryDNA has not released their category guidelines, but from this I can deduce approximately what the percentage cut-off must be between the two categories (if they are using the traditional matching process that we are familiar with from 23andMe and Family Tree DNA's Family Finder). An aunt would share approximately 25% of her DNA with her niece, first cousins share approximately 12.5% of their DNA, first cousins once-removed share approximately 6.25% of their DNA and second cousins share approximately 3.125% of their DNA. These are variable numbers which are only an average, so some individuals, like my mom and her cousin Vi, will share more and some will share less than expected. AncestryDNA has apparently taken this into consideration since they correctly placed my mom's first cousin Vi in the lower First Cousin - Second Cousin category instead of the Close Family - First Cousin category. Without more comparisons, it is impossible to accurately guess AncestryDNA's upper end cut-off for this category, but at 23andMe my highest aunt/uncle relationship comparison is 27.88%, while my lowest is 21.14%, so they probably include at least 28% in this category and possibly much higher since the next closest genetic relationship level shares about 50% of their DNA - full siblings. AncestryDNA likely takes additional information into account in their predictions such as longest segment length and how many shared segments, but for general guidelines, the categories possibly look something like this:

Close Family - First Cousin Category        28% - 15% in common
First Cousin - Second Cousin Category     15% -  5% in common

If this is close to their actual thresholds, then the Close Family Category could include half-siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles (as we have seen in Jenny's case) and possibly great grandparents/first cousins who are on the high end of expected shared DNA.

With all of this analysis, I don't want to get sidetracked from the joy of this story. Jenny is absolutely thrilled to find her paternal birth family and they seem to be thrilled to find her! She is very appreciative of AncestryDNA's part in her discovery and, thanks to that aunt who is a member of Ancestry.com, Jenny already has an extensive genealogy for half for her biological family!

Jenny shared her thoughts with me:

I need to give AncestryDNA some credit, they were 100 percent right on this one. Although I still stand by my opinion that their system needs changes, because there still is no way to know if there are errors...They need to release the raw data, not everyone is going to be as lucky as I was, but I also don't want to discourage people from submitting their DNA.  The more DNA they receive, the better the results I would presume.  They have a great system for the most part, but with no way to interpret it, we have to just have blind faith in Ancestry that our results are correct.

Personally, I am very happy to be able to report this positive flip side to my earlier story because I do not want to discourage anyone from participating in DNA testing. Although not my first choice, with a database that has exceeded 65,000 (judging from recent ID numbers), AncestryDNA is a viable place to search for relatives whether it be for adoption reunification or genealogical purposes. You can bet that we, as a community, will keep badgering the folks at AncestryDNA for our raw data and access to more detailed genetic information, but some will enjoy success with their matching system even as it currently is. In fact, because of their outstanding automated matching combined with their vast collection of already existing family trees, a number of individuals have already reported confirming many common ancestors with their matches at AncestryDNA and, in some cases, broken through decades-old brick walls. These successes could greatly aid in, perhaps, the loftiest dream of our community - to build a universal genetic family tree by "assigning" DNA segments to specific ancestors, but only if AncestryDNA decides to release the genetic data to their customers. Let's keep our fingers crossed that they will soon listen to us, because what a wondrous thing this could be!

[10/26/12: This test is now out of Beta, so you can order it here.]

Adoptees Who Received Close Family DNA Matches and Reunited with Birth Family as a Result - Part One

I have posted a couple of adoptee/birth family reunions on my "Your Genetic Genealogist" blog in the past and wanted to bring those stories over here, so to get started, I am going to repost them.

First we had the emotional story of Dan, an adoptee who found his half-sister at 23andMe back in December 2011 with many of us following along as this beautiful story unfolded. I will be writing a follow-up to this story soon detailing more about Dan's reunion with his six half-siblings.

Adoptee Reunites with Birth Family at 23andMe

For a little over a month, many of us have been following the story of an adoptee who tested at 23andMe on a whim and amazingly found a 27.3% DNA match in their database. Today, finally, there is a happy resolution.

Dan had always planned on finding out more about his birth family, but had not taken any steps in that direction until one day a few months ago when he saw a GroupOn offering a discounted 23andMe test. He ordered the test and waited for his results. Initially, he didn't fully investigate his Relative Finder list. When he did so in mid-November, he received quite a surprise. He had a 27.3% female match with the same mtDNA. This meant that his maternal aunt or half-sister (or, less likely, niece from a full sister) had already been tested at 23andMe.

Here is Dan's own summary of his discovery:

 I decided to have my DNA tested on a whim one day as the result of-of all things-a Groupon deal! I had always known that eventually I would seek out my birth family, and the timing was right. To make a long story short, a few months after my results came back, I finally clicked on the "Show Close Relatives" button, and lo and behold, a major match showed up. 27.3% on the maternal side. The good folks here in the community helped me figure out that it would have to be either my bio-Mom's sister, or my half-sister. Stunning news, to say the least.

He immediately sent an invitation to connect to his relative and then turned to the 23andMe Community for confirmation of what he thought he had found. He received an outpouring of support, advice and very interested followers, including me. Throughout this long month, we have all hoped that Dan would receive a response from his match. Personally, I checked almost every day on his progress. With the days drawing on, many theories were developed and ideas for alternate avenues of searching explored, but in the end the DNA test was the answer.

Yesterday, Dan's half-sister logged into 23andMe and received his note. I am so happy to report that she and his five other half-siblings are ready to welcome him with open arms. I have to say that they are lucky to have found a brother such as Dan has proven to be throughout the waiting. From his postings in the 23andMe community forum, he has shown himself to be a caring, thoughtful and well-balanced individual with a lot to offer his new-found family. Obviously, his adoptive parents deserve credit for doing an outstanding job. Kindly, his "new" sister even posted to the very extensive thread concerning Dan's discovery and introduced herself to all of us interested 23andMers. This resulted in many tears of joy from Dan's supporters.

This story is one of hope and encouragement for all adoptees still searching for their biological families. It is also a testament to the power of DNA testing. As the DNA databases grow, I am confident that this type of story will become commonplace. I am, and have been for sometime, committed to helping adoptees utilize their DNA results to learn more about their ancestry, especially in light of the unjust laws on the books of so many states blocking adoptees from their inherent right to know who they are and from where they come. Let's hope this story inspires more adoptees and birth families to DNA test, especially those who have exhausted the traditional avenues of self-discovery and have lost hope.

I hope to post more on this story as it develops and would like to extend my best wishes and congratulations to all parties involved. Dan and his "new" family have received the best Christmas present imaginable. Happy Holidays to all!